In My Head

I need new pants.   My nose is cold.  I need to go to Target tomorrow before my coupons expire.  I should have got that chicken from Teeter.  I'm so excited for Ghana.  I need to mail my passport stuff tomorrow.  I'm glad this month's payday falls on a Wednesday.   What fragrance does J like?  Where can I get some cool toys for little boys?  I need to finish my painting.  I need to get paint for the bathroom wall.  I need to get started painting the bathroom wall.  Should I try to tackle the wallpaper in the bedroom?  I think I'll do it spring break.  I bet Amy would help.  This show's hilarious.  I need to fix the grass, I hate weeds.  Why can't I stop thinking about our impending house guests?  I hope I do things right to make them feel at home.  I'm so excited to see them, hear their story, spend time with them, be hospitable to them.  Pastor Troy cracks me up.  "Couponing for Liberty Offering."  He's a genius.  I should get started putting that stuff together.  When am I gonna do it?  Will people come?  Be excited?  Actually do it?  We're gonna kick butt in that offering this year.  I need to pray about that.  I need to read my Bible.  Oh, I still need to type up the questions for Life Group.  Looking forward to hanging with T tomorrow.  I won't let her become what P became - a disappointment.  I love my kitties.  They make me smile.  When are we going to get pregnant?  We thought we had it planned out.  Should we go early or late?  What am I doing Friday?  I love watching J on Sundays.  He's probably my favorite.  I'm so glad we've gotten closer with A & R, I hope we get closer, they're such good people.  It's crazy how much we have in common.  Bill says I should get a DSLR for my birthday.  I don't think he knows how much they cost.  Crazy boy, so good to me.  So selfless.  The best husband ever. Ohmygosh, I had so much fun photographing that family on Saturday.  I'm really pleased with the pictures.  The sun was a little bright and my camera didn't compensate the way I wished it could, but they turned out pretty good nonetheless.  Bill said if photography could pay as much as teaching he'd be behind me all the way.  Man I love him.  So sweet.  Always thinking of me.  Oh man, this part is SO funny.  HA!  

Okay, I'm gonna go and finish watching the office. Please return all tray-tables and chair backs to their full and upright position and enjoy your descent back to earth, thank you for visiting my brain today.     :)

Sweet Dreams Are Made of These...

Who am I to disagree? ... how many of you remember that oldie? Ha ha!
In all seriousness, I had a dream a couple days ago - and it truly was sweet - and I certainly can't disagree because I know it was God speaking to me through that dream.

The perspective: I was me (I wasn't floating and seeing everything from 3rd person).
The Dream: All I could see were my feet in the sand and then I saw little black feet run up to me and so I knelt down and know I was seeing the top of my left knee and my right foot in the sand. The little black feet were running around me, there were two pairs of them. Then little black hands on my knee and climbing on me. I couldn't see any faces, I remember really focusing on the hands and feet. Then I felt arms go around my neck and we were all laughing and having fun and just loving on each other.
What the dream means: Sunday night we had some friends over for dinner (husband, wife, 2 'tweenage' kids), just for fun. While we were eating the husband mentioned he'd be going on a mission trip in July. In the past, we'd told the family to let us know if they were going to go on any (they go at least once a year) because we love missions (and always have), so we were excited to hear about this trip. We knew right away Bill wouldn't be able to go, because his company blacks out the first week in July - no one can take it off for any reason. But I was definitely interested and wanted to go. As we were saying goodbye, I told the family that I'd pray about it, because I didn't just want to go on the trip because I wanted to go. If I went on the trip I wanted it to be because God wanted me to go. Then Bill said, "I think you're gonna go." Then the husband said, "Yea, I think so too," and he got goosebumps. That night while I was laying in bed I prayed for clarity and wisdom. I prayed for God to clearly show me if he wanted me to go on this trip or not. Monday, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I kept going back and forth in my head with my decision. Monday night, I prayed again for a clear sign on whether or not I should go. When I woke up in the morning, I had the clearest recollection of the dream. It was such a beautiful, sweet dream, and I knew, I just knew that God was speaking to me. Telling me to step out, to be His hands and feet and that He would meet me there.

So that's it. I'm going to Ghana, Africa. And I couldn't be more excited or happy to be in the will of God!

Stay tuned for details about my trip!!

hair cuts and beaches

So Bill & I were sitting at a local hair cutting shop waiting for him to get his hair cut. I was flipping through a magazine and he had his hand on my knee and we were casually listening to some parents commenting on their children getting their haircut. When all of a sudden, I came across a picture in the magazine that made me do one of those quick intakes-of-breath and then slow, longing, sighs. The picture was very similar to this one, but the scene was this beautiful beach with a really neat wooden pier and the sun shining brightly. I think it was an advertisement for some destination.
So Bill says, "Aw, you wanna go to the beach honey?" And I reply, "No, I want the camera." And then we just look at each other and laugh.
Moments like that are so funny!
(And I'm truly jonesin' for a dslr - more than the beach! And for those of you that know me, you know I LOVE the beach. )

Not Me Monday!

Feeling guilty for eating chocolate teddy grahams, even though you're a grown adult? Or is the shame coming from the fact that you ate them in bed, in your pajamas and there they still sit on your nightstand? Well, I would NEVER do such a thing, and I'm sure you wouldn't either, but sometimes these things do happen and it's slightly theraputic to get it out - so join in the fun!

Here goes:

I most certainly have no signs of ADD and would never stop my husband mid-sentence in the middle of Target and say, "Teddy Grahams for a dollar!" and start briskly walking toward them, eying the patrons around me to be sure they didn't grab the last box of the chocolate ones. Only to turn around and see my husband holding a box of Wheatables asking, "Do you want the reduced fat kind or regular?" I'd never do that. We eat healthy, we snack healthy, and plus, Teddy Grahams are for kids - of which we have none. "Just grab the regular ones, honey."

I definitely did not wander around the Juniors section at Kohls the other day in hopes of finding something cute... only to walk over to the women's section in silent defeat that I just can't wear that stuff anymore.

I would never, ever stop at Wendy's for a frosty and fries while running errands on a Sunday afternoon. I would never consider that to be my lunch and I would not ever go while my husband was still breaking down the church because he loves Wendy's.. well he would if we ate there, but we don't eat there because we're being healthy.

I wouldn't be so ridiculous as to make a u-turn and head to Ikea just for a bottle brush, because I couldn't find one for the life of me at Super Target. There's no way I'd go to Ikea just for a stinkin' bottle brush. And there's no way I'd walk out of there with my stomach full of chicken fingers, over 100 candles and pot holders, plus our .99 bottle brush. And I definitely wouldn't blog about it - all the while realizing I should have looked in the baby section.

So what outsanding things have you, ahem, not done lately? Join in the fun! Hop on over to McMamma's blog to get the "Not me Monday" button!

Freeze Frame

In our small group last week we watched a Rob Bell film called "Breathe". You should watch -it's only 12 minutes

The essential premise was: what if breathing is saying God's name? But we're so busy, that all we do is breathe shallow breaths from our chest, and we never slow down enough to breathe deep from our diaphragm like we should. (So we're not really saying the name of God with each breath) Did you know that 90% of our energy is supposed to come from our breathing? That's crazy! You know what's worse? Because we usually only breathe shallow-ly (yea, I made that word up) we are only getting 10% of our energy from breathing.
So it got me thinking, not necessarily about my breathing habits, but about slowing down. I've found slowing down is hard, especially when you've just captured a vision from God.
I've always thought that I was going to teach my whole life (and I may still), and when I took my last job, I thought "I'll retire here, this is awesome." It was so great to think that I had it all in control. What's that? Is that God laughing at me up there? I can hear it now, but I couldn't at the time! ;)
When I heard from God last week that I wasn't going to be retiring at my current job, it shook me up a bit (because I wasn't in control, now). Then a couple days later when He revealed my true purpose in life, I got so excited, it was all I could think about! In fact, it's hard for me still to not think about it 24/7. I know and understand this vision isn't going to come about right away - it's going to be years - and I'm totally okay with that, but I'm just so excited, sometimes it's hard to stay focused - to stay in the moment, because I'm constantly thinking to the future.
Thursday, though, I don't know what it was, but for just a few moments while I was teaching math, a stopped thinking about my next move, stopped thinking about the future, and just breathed. I watched the kids having a blast with the game we were playing. I watched the incredible amount of learning and understanding that was going on. I listened to them talking about math, laughing about math, and working with their partners. And it was great. It helped me realize that this is a part of my future. Teaching. It won't be in the same place, and it may not be in the same capacity, but God gave me the gift of teaching, and how rewarding it is to be operating in the gift He has given me. How rewarding it is to slow down and see, that even though I'm anxious and excited about our future plans in Him, that right this moment I'm living and breathing in rhythm with the Awesome Creator.

Not ME! Monday

Not ME! Monday was created by MckMamma... a blog I read. I thought I'd join in on the fun...

Are you feeling guilty for letting your dirty laundry pile grow to the size of Mount Vesuvius? Overcome with shame because you can hardly see your computer screen through the greasy fingerprints and you just don't care? Well, don't be! Not Me! Monday was born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I'd rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!

Here Goes:

I definitely did NOT set my alarm for 5:30 and repeatedly hit the snooze until 6:15...

I most certainly did NOT pack a frozen pizza and applesauce for lunch because I was running so late... and then get hungry and have to sneak a Hershey bar while my kids were having indoor recess... and if I DID do that - I would not be blogging about it!

I didn't wear jeans to school today because I was too lazy to try to match another outfit...

Vision

Lately I've been feeling unsatisfied. Not with my husband or anything like that - but with my job. It just isn't fulfilling anymore. I'm thinking this is not what God has in mind for my 'final outcome'. Our pastor a couple weeks ago asked us to think about the desire's of our hearts. He said that God puts those there and if we go after those desires they will become a reality because it's what God ultimately wants for us. So Bill and I talked about it - my desire is to get out of debt and be able to help others financially (missionaries, etc). His is to be a missionary. In college I seriously thought about being a missionary teacher - someone that goes out in the mission field, and teaches other missionaries' kids. I never thought much about it though, after 'reasoning' through things. Then last week pastor said, "re
asoning things through will always give you reasons NOT to do what you're heart is leading you toward." So I've been thinking about it and it's been overwhelming my mind lately. It's really got me thinking about getting out of debt and getting things in order so this desire that is in our hearts can become a reality. Yes, it's a lot of work. Yes, there are a lot of reasons to NOT do it. But the way I see it, God put that desire on BOTH of our hearts, He's not gonna let us fail if we seek Him and His ways.

Waiting....

It seems as though there's never a time in our lives we haven't been waiting. Waiting to learn to walk so we can go wherever we want. Waiting to grow a little bit taller so we can reach that cookie jar. Waiting to get our license so we can have some freedom. Waiting to hear back from the college we hope to escape to. Waiting for the right person to come along and sweep us off our feet. Waiting for the perfect job. Waiting to start a family. Waiting for the perfect home.
The thing about all that waiting, is that it's all waiting on circumstances.
I really feel like the Lord's been teaching me lately to wait on HIM, not whatever circumstance we may be in.
A prime example happened shortly after we moved to Charlotte. We were living in an adorable 600 sq. foot, 1 bedroom apartment in a charming complex. We were newlyweds, starting fresh in a new town, thousands of miles away from anyone we knew. We loved the adventure of it. Then we heard gunshots coming from the complex behind us. Then we smelled some very potent weed wafting up from the apartment below us. Then our couch broke. In half. Literally. So we found a great deal on some furniture... but it wouldn't fit in our apartment. Seriously. So we lucked out and were able to move for a very small hike in rent, across the hall (of the 3rd floor) to a 2 bedroom that was considerably larger. But then we saw the cockroaches, so kindly left by the previous tenants. And then there were the silvervish. And the house centipedes. (Have you ever seen one of those things?! You need to google it if you haven't!). So we talked about it, and we decided we were tired of paying $850 a month for what we were living in. So we were going to WAIT until we saved up some money and start house hunting. In the mean time, we began looking around - just for fun. Then I got an email from a college friend back in MI saying he was moving down. I jokingly said he could stay with us until he found a place to live. Then he took us up on it! We were planning on letting him live for very, very cheap, just to cover utilities pretty much. In the mean time, Bill and I started to stress out a little bit. We'd have another being living in that small 800 sq. ft. apartment with us. In a kitchen that was, literally so small the fridge door hit the counter across from it. In a time we were trying to save money. We decided to let God take care of the details.
Before our friend even moved in, we had bought a 1200 sq. foot house and moved in.
We waited on GOD.... not our own circumstances. Not our own finances.

Ever since that happened three years ago, I've heard God asking me, "What are you waiting on, Me, or the circumstance?" I admit, I'm a control freak and I often get caught up on waiting for people, money, or my own decisions, rather than God. But here we sit again, and God is asking us, "Are you waiting on Me?"
Bill has worked at the same job for three years. He's won awards that no other person in his position has ever received. He's been praised by his boss, his boss's boss, and the guys he works with. He's applied three times for a promotion. Each time someone has transferred, or something has happened that has nixed him from getting it. Each time we've been disappointed because we really needed the extra money to pay off medical debt, credit card debt, car repairs, etc. Several months ago I gave up control to God. I've given up financial control to Him already - and man how our lives have changed- that's a whole nother blog. But this time, I gave up this promotion to God. As much as I wanted it for Bill - as much as he deserved it, I just gave it up.

Last week Bill got promoted. For the week. The guy he replaced was on vacation and they let Bill step up and take over for the week. We're pretty sure this has NEVER happened. Usually they just get the higher-ups to do it, or send in a temp. But this time they let Bill step up - with all the benefits of having that promotion - for a week. Throughout the week he worked with a higher-up and impressed him many times with his work ethic and the way he was constantly prepared to encounter anything. Wednesday, the guy told him he had an interview on Thursday morning and not to, "worry about anything." The interview went well. They said he'd know "by Monday." Didn't hear anything all day Friday, so he decided to call them in the afternoon and check it out. They said, at this point they were just calling all the guys that didn't get the job... and "you haven't been called yet, so don't worry."

Well, today's Monday. It's almost 1:00 and I'm finding myself struggling to wait on GOD - not the situation. My heart starts thumping just thinking about it. I try so hard to be confident in GOD - that He will do what's best for us. But part of me doesn't want to get my hopes up. But then the other part of me thinks - get your hopes up - this is GOD - he's bigger than this situation could ever be.
Well God, I'm trusting you. I'm giving it to you, as hard as it is for me, I'm giving it to you. You've taken care of us through so many other things, of course you've got our backs on this. This is ALL YOU GOD.

**** UPDATE **** 1/19/10 @ 2:00pm
HE GOT THE PROMOTION! AND the route he wanted near our house!!! :)

A Break-Break and Renewed Sight

No, I'm not stuttering :) It's a mere reflection on what the past 10 days have been for me. A break. A REAL break. No hustling and bustling to get out of town. No deep cleaning or preparing for guests. Just. A. Break.

Man was it nice. It's coming to an end, and for the first time in a while I can say that I've had a relaxing, rejuvenating, sleeping-in, pajama-wearing, staying-up-late, doing whatever I want, BREAK. (Now if only I can get back on schedule to waking up at 5:30am...) :)

The Wednesday before Christmas was the first day of my break and I took full advantage. I slept until 9, wore Pajamas almost all day and had NO agenda. The rest of the break followed suit, though I did start working out again, cleaning house casually and getting things done. The best part of it all was doing it without an agenda.

There's just something about not having to be on a schedule that is so freeing. Wow. I would have never thought I'd [say] that.

All my time off of work has also allowed me to focus more on my husband - man he's amazing. I mean, yea, I'm partial, but c'mon. God rocks my face off with this man He chose for me! Seriously though, it helps me see that I need to remember what's important. Even when I'm working and busy and tired (which is usually the case) I've got to remember to make honoring, loving on, and talking to my husband a priority. I feel so much closer to him (even though he wasn't on vaca. at all) from this past 10 days of being off. There's just such a joy and peace in my heart about where we are in our lives, it's indescribable.

So what do you think? When's the last time you had a day without an agenda? When's the last time you intentionally focused on honoring, loving on or communicating with your spouse? How did it affect you?