In our small group last week we watched a Rob Bell film called "Breathe". You should watch -it's only 12 minutes
The essential premise was: what if breathing is saying God's name? But we're so busy, that all we do is breathe shallow breaths from our chest, and we never slow down enough to breathe deep from our diaphragm like we should. (So we're not really saying the name of God with each breath) Did you know that 90% of our energy is supposed to come from our breathing? That's crazy! You know what's worse? Because we usually only breathe shallow-ly (yea, I made that word up) we are only getting 10% of our energy from breathing.
So it got me thinking, not necessarily about my breathing habits, but about slowing down. I've found slowing down is hard, especially when you've just captured a vision from God.
I've always thought that I was going to teach my whole life (and I may still), and when I took my last job, I thought "I'll retire here, this is awesome." It was so great to think that I had it all in control. What's that? Is that God laughing at me up there? I can hear it now, but I couldn't at the time! ;)
When I heard from God last week that I wasn't going to be retiring at my current job, it shook me up a bit (because I wasn't in control, now). Then a couple days later when He revealed my true purpose in life, I got so excited, it was all I could think about! In fact, it's hard for me still to not think about it 24/7. I know and understand this vision isn't going to come about right away - it's going to be years - and I'm totally okay with that, but I'm just so excited, sometimes it's hard to stay focused - to stay in the moment, because I'm constantly thinking to the future.
Thursday, though, I don't know what it was, but for just a few moments while I was teaching math, a stopped thinking about my next move, stopped thinking about the future, and just breathed. I watched the kids having a blast with the game we were playing. I watched the incredible amount of learning and understanding that was going on. I listened to them talking about math, laughing about math, and working with their partners. And it was great. It helped me realize that this is a part of my future. Teaching. It won't be in the same place, and it may not be in the same capacity, but God gave me the gift of teaching, and how rewarding it is to be operating in the gift He has given me. How rewarding it is to slow down and see, that even though I'm anxious and excited about our future plans in Him, that right this moment I'm living and breathing in rhythm with the Awesome Creator.
February 27, 2010
February 22, 2010
Not ME! Monday was created by MckMamma... a blog I read. I thought I'd join in on the fun...
Are you feeling guilty for letting your dirty laundry pile grow to the size of Mount Vesuvius? Overcome with shame because you can hardly see your computer screen through the greasy fingerprints and you just don't care? Well, don't be! Not Me! Monday was born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I'd rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!
I definitely did NOT set my alarm for 5:30 and repeatedly hit the snooze until 6:15...
I most certainly did NOT pack a frozen pizza and applesauce for lunch because I was running so late... and then get hungry and have to sneak a Hershey bar while my kids were having indoor recess... and if I DID do that - I would not be blogging about it!
I didn't wear jeans to school today because I was too lazy to try to match another outfit...
February 17, 2010
Lately I've been feeling unsatisfied. Not with my husband or anything like that - but with my job. It just isn't fulfilling anymore. I'm thinking this is not what God has in mind for my 'final outcome'. Our pastor a couple weeks ago asked us to think about the desire's of our hearts. He said that God puts those there and if we go after those desires they will become a reality because it's what God ultimately wants for us. So Bill and I talked about it - my desire is to get out of debt and be able to help others financially (missionaries, etc). His is to be a missionary. In college I seriously thought about being a missionary teacher - someone that goes out in the mission field, and teaches other missionaries' kids. I never thought much about it though, after 'reasoning' through things. Then last week pastor said, "re
asoning things through will always give you reasons NOT to do what you're heart is leading you toward." So I've been thinking about it and it's been overwhelming my mind lately. It's really got me thinking about getting out of debt and getting things in order so this desire that is in our hearts can become a reality. Yes, it's a lot of work. Yes, there are a lot of reasons to NOT do it. But the way I see it, God put that desire on BOTH of our hearts, He's not gonna let us fail if we seek Him and His ways.