Freeze Frame

In our small group last week we watched a Rob Bell film called "Breathe". You should watch -it's only 12 minutes

The essential premise was: what if breathing is saying God's name? But we're so busy, that all we do is breathe shallow breaths from our chest, and we never slow down enough to breathe deep from our diaphragm like we should. (So we're not really saying the name of God with each breath) Did you know that 90% of our energy is supposed to come from our breathing? That's crazy! You know what's worse? Because we usually only breathe shallow-ly (yea, I made that word up) we are only getting 10% of our energy from breathing.
So it got me thinking, not necessarily about my breathing habits, but about slowing down. I've found slowing down is hard, especially when you've just captured a vision from God.
I've always thought that I was going to teach my whole life (and I may still), and when I took my last job, I thought "I'll retire here, this is awesome." It was so great to think that I had it all in control. What's that? Is that God laughing at me up there? I can hear it now, but I couldn't at the time! ;)
When I heard from God last week that I wasn't going to be retiring at my current job, it shook me up a bit (because I wasn't in control, now). Then a couple days later when He revealed my true purpose in life, I got so excited, it was all I could think about! In fact, it's hard for me still to not think about it 24/7. I know and understand this vision isn't going to come about right away - it's going to be years - and I'm totally okay with that, but I'm just so excited, sometimes it's hard to stay focused - to stay in the moment, because I'm constantly thinking to the future.
Thursday, though, I don't know what it was, but for just a few moments while I was teaching math, a stopped thinking about my next move, stopped thinking about the future, and just breathed. I watched the kids having a blast with the game we were playing. I watched the incredible amount of learning and understanding that was going on. I listened to them talking about math, laughing about math, and working with their partners. And it was great. It helped me realize that this is a part of my future. Teaching. It won't be in the same place, and it may not be in the same capacity, but God gave me the gift of teaching, and how rewarding it is to be operating in the gift He has given me. How rewarding it is to slow down and see, that even though I'm anxious and excited about our future plans in Him, that right this moment I'm living and breathing in rhythm with the Awesome Creator.

Not ME! Monday

Not ME! Monday was created by MckMamma... a blog I read. I thought I'd join in on the fun...

Are you feeling guilty for letting your dirty laundry pile grow to the size of Mount Vesuvius? Overcome with shame because you can hardly see your computer screen through the greasy fingerprints and you just don't care? Well, don't be! Not Me! Monday was born out of my desire to admit some of my imperfections and reveal a few moments I'd rather forget. You may find it therapeutic to join in and do the same thing!

Here Goes:

I definitely did NOT set my alarm for 5:30 and repeatedly hit the snooze until 6:15...

I most certainly did NOT pack a frozen pizza and applesauce for lunch because I was running so late... and then get hungry and have to sneak a Hershey bar while my kids were having indoor recess... and if I DID do that - I would not be blogging about it!

I didn't wear jeans to school today because I was too lazy to try to match another outfit...

Vision

Lately I've been feeling unsatisfied. Not with my husband or anything like that - but with my job. It just isn't fulfilling anymore. I'm thinking this is not what God has in mind for my 'final outcome'. Our pastor a couple weeks ago asked us to think about the desire's of our hearts. He said that God puts those there and if we go after those desires they will become a reality because it's what God ultimately wants for us. So Bill and I talked about it - my desire is to get out of debt and be able to help others financially (missionaries, etc). His is to be a missionary. In college I seriously thought about being a missionary teacher - someone that goes out in the mission field, and teaches other missionaries' kids. I never thought much about it though, after 'reasoning' through things. Then last week pastor said, "re
asoning things through will always give you reasons NOT to do what you're heart is leading you toward." So I've been thinking about it and it's been overwhelming my mind lately. It's really got me thinking about getting out of debt and getting things in order so this desire that is in our hearts can become a reality. Yes, it's a lot of work. Yes, there are a lot of reasons to NOT do it. But the way I see it, God put that desire on BOTH of our hearts, He's not gonna let us fail if we seek Him and His ways.

Waiting....

It seems as though there's never a time in our lives we haven't been waiting. Waiting to learn to walk so we can go wherever we want. Waiting to grow a little bit taller so we can reach that cookie jar. Waiting to get our license so we can have some freedom. Waiting to hear back from the college we hope to escape to. Waiting for the right person to come along and sweep us off our feet. Waiting for the perfect job. Waiting to start a family. Waiting for the perfect home.
The thing about all that waiting, is that it's all waiting on circumstances.
I really feel like the Lord's been teaching me lately to wait on HIM, not whatever circumstance we may be in.
A prime example happened shortly after we moved to Charlotte. We were living in an adorable 600 sq. foot, 1 bedroom apartment in a charming complex. We were newlyweds, starting fresh in a new town, thousands of miles away from anyone we knew. We loved the adventure of it. Then we heard gunshots coming from the complex behind us. Then we smelled some very potent weed wafting up from the apartment below us. Then our couch broke. In half. Literally. So we found a great deal on some furniture... but it wouldn't fit in our apartment. Seriously. So we lucked out and were able to move for a very small hike in rent, across the hall (of the 3rd floor) to a 2 bedroom that was considerably larger. But then we saw the cockroaches, so kindly left by the previous tenants. And then there were the silvervish. And the house centipedes. (Have you ever seen one of those things?! You need to google it if you haven't!). So we talked about it, and we decided we were tired of paying $850 a month for what we were living in. So we were going to WAIT until we saved up some money and start house hunting. In the mean time, we began looking around - just for fun. Then I got an email from a college friend back in MI saying he was moving down. I jokingly said he could stay with us until he found a place to live. Then he took us up on it! We were planning on letting him live for very, very cheap, just to cover utilities pretty much. In the mean time, Bill and I started to stress out a little bit. We'd have another being living in that small 800 sq. ft. apartment with us. In a kitchen that was, literally so small the fridge door hit the counter across from it. In a time we were trying to save money. We decided to let God take care of the details.
Before our friend even moved in, we had bought a 1200 sq. foot house and moved in.
We waited on GOD.... not our own circumstances. Not our own finances.

Ever since that happened three years ago, I've heard God asking me, "What are you waiting on, Me, or the circumstance?" I admit, I'm a control freak and I often get caught up on waiting for people, money, or my own decisions, rather than God. But here we sit again, and God is asking us, "Are you waiting on Me?"
Bill has worked at the same job for three years. He's won awards that no other person in his position has ever received. He's been praised by his boss, his boss's boss, and the guys he works with. He's applied three times for a promotion. Each time someone has transferred, or something has happened that has nixed him from getting it. Each time we've been disappointed because we really needed the extra money to pay off medical debt, credit card debt, car repairs, etc. Several months ago I gave up control to God. I've given up financial control to Him already - and man how our lives have changed- that's a whole nother blog. But this time, I gave up this promotion to God. As much as I wanted it for Bill - as much as he deserved it, I just gave it up.

Last week Bill got promoted. For the week. The guy he replaced was on vacation and they let Bill step up and take over for the week. We're pretty sure this has NEVER happened. Usually they just get the higher-ups to do it, or send in a temp. But this time they let Bill step up - with all the benefits of having that promotion - for a week. Throughout the week he worked with a higher-up and impressed him many times with his work ethic and the way he was constantly prepared to encounter anything. Wednesday, the guy told him he had an interview on Thursday morning and not to, "worry about anything." The interview went well. They said he'd know "by Monday." Didn't hear anything all day Friday, so he decided to call them in the afternoon and check it out. They said, at this point they were just calling all the guys that didn't get the job... and "you haven't been called yet, so don't worry."

Well, today's Monday. It's almost 1:00 and I'm finding myself struggling to wait on GOD - not the situation. My heart starts thumping just thinking about it. I try so hard to be confident in GOD - that He will do what's best for us. But part of me doesn't want to get my hopes up. But then the other part of me thinks - get your hopes up - this is GOD - he's bigger than this situation could ever be.
Well God, I'm trusting you. I'm giving it to you, as hard as it is for me, I'm giving it to you. You've taken care of us through so many other things, of course you've got our backs on this. This is ALL YOU GOD.

**** UPDATE **** 1/19/10 @ 2:00pm
HE GOT THE PROMOTION! AND the route he wanted near our house!!! :)

A Break-Break and Renewed Sight

No, I'm not stuttering :) It's a mere reflection on what the past 10 days have been for me. A break. A REAL break. No hustling and bustling to get out of town. No deep cleaning or preparing for guests. Just. A. Break.

Man was it nice. It's coming to an end, and for the first time in a while I can say that I've had a relaxing, rejuvenating, sleeping-in, pajama-wearing, staying-up-late, doing whatever I want, BREAK. (Now if only I can get back on schedule to waking up at 5:30am...) :)

The Wednesday before Christmas was the first day of my break and I took full advantage. I slept until 9, wore Pajamas almost all day and had NO agenda. The rest of the break followed suit, though I did start working out again, cleaning house casually and getting things done. The best part of it all was doing it without an agenda.

There's just something about not having to be on a schedule that is so freeing. Wow. I would have never thought I'd [say] that.

All my time off of work has also allowed me to focus more on my husband - man he's amazing. I mean, yea, I'm partial, but c'mon. God rocks my face off with this man He chose for me! Seriously though, it helps me see that I need to remember what's important. Even when I'm working and busy and tired (which is usually the case) I've got to remember to make honoring, loving on, and talking to my husband a priority. I feel so much closer to him (even though he wasn't on vaca. at all) from this past 10 days of being off. There's just such a joy and peace in my heart about where we are in our lives, it's indescribable.

So what do you think? When's the last time you had a day without an agenda? When's the last time you intentionally focused on honoring, loving on or communicating with your spouse? How did it affect you?

"Hi-dee-Ho Neighbor!"

If you've ever watched The Simpsons, you've heard that line before. It's from the infamous Ned Flanders. The Bible-thumping, God-loving, goofy-talking neighbor-extraordinaire of the Simpson Family. He's famous for his 'Christian ways' and his "hi-diddly" positive attitude.
As an actual (rather than cartoon) Christian I laugh at Ned's antics and the way the writers choose to portray Christians, but for some people - who don't believe or follow Jesus (or maybe those that have at one time, but fallen away from the faith because they've been hurt by a church or religion) - that's what Christians are like. Corny. Super-religious. Judgmental. Christian-eise talking.

I (and my husband) actually try quite hard to NOT be that neighbor. We're us. Genuine. Mistake-making. Imperfect. Friendly, but not overbearing. Just us.

When we first moved into this house we hit it off really well with the neighbors to the right of our house. They're two, Puerto Rican, middle-aged guys from Miami with a big white American Buldog named Bruno. We met them when we found them mowing our lawn shortly after we'd moved in. Such nice people! We love them to pieces - we share meals, exchange gifts at holidays and house-sit for each other. Through the years we've talked about religion, they ask about the church we go to - we learn that one of them used to be a priest in the Catholic church, and both have roots in Catholosism, but aren't practicing it currently. That's really as deep as we've gotten, though. We try our best to show them what Christianity should look like. Without being "Ned Flanders Neighbors."

But you know where we've fallen short? The biggest area we could, probably. We've never invited them to church. I guess I've always been worried I'd scare them away or they'd close up and not be as open with us as before. Or maybe I was worried they'd feel judged for living an un-conventional (un-Biblical) lifestyle. I don't know, but I finally got the nerve up to ask them to church the other day. We were over exchanging gifts and when the time was right, I asked. It helped that it was Christmastime - the most popular time of year to go to church even if you aren't a Christian. It helped that our church was having a special event too. But it's been three years. There's been three Christmases. Three Easters. Dozens of special events. I'm a little disappointed in myself for waiting so long to ask. Because you know what? They said yes.

I was a little skeptical at first. I mean, it was a Tuesday, what were the odds that when Sunday came around he would actually come? I hoped hey would, don't get me wrong, but he's the type that can say things 'just to be nice'.

So Sunday morning rolls around, we're in our PJ's watching "Sunday Morning" as usual. Then the phone rings. It's our neighbor asking if he can still come with us to church. Not only did he say yes when we asked, he called us to confirm and get a ride! Where we'd fallen short with following-up the Holy Spirit was working overtime and prompted him to call us!

Our pastor says sometimes that people are just waiting for you to ask them to come to church. I always believed him, but in the back of my head though, "yea, uh-huh." But it's so true and I can attest - we only had to ask, and our neighbor said yes!

I'm so excited to see where this will lead. Since it was a special event, we ended the afternoon with, "You'll have to come check it out on a normal weekend to see what it's really like." And his reply? "Yea, I liked it. It was different, but I liked it."

All it took was once. Seven little words with a little inflection thrown in at the end. So who are you going to ask, "Want to come to church with us?"
The worst they can say is, "No." And who's to say you can't ask again after building more of a relationship. But when they say, "Yes," - and they probably will - it's SOOO worth it to know you could be introducing them to TRUTH, to the REAL deal - not to another Ned Flander's Christianity from the media.

Home Sweet (North Carolina) Home

It's that time of year when people start asking, "Are you going home for the holidays?"
The other day, rather than saying, "No, we're staying here this year," I said what I truly felt (and have felt for about a year and half now), "This is my home."

We're not from Charlotte (much like the millions of people in this town) but it really is our home now. We have family here. We have friends here. We're rooted in Charlotte. This is our home, sweet home.

We were talking about family in our small group the other night, and it was brought up that once you're married, that's your family. You leave your parents and cleave to your spouse. We talked about the hurt that could be caused when (lets say,) the wife says, "I'm going home for _____," (meaning back to the parents' house). That's not the home anymore, the home is where your husband is trying to provide for you and build a foundation for you. Once your married it's your turn to make your own traditions for the holidays and special occasions.

Now, this isn't to say you can't or shouldn't go visit family during the holidays, but maybe, just maybe it would be good to stay home with just your husband (or wife) and (maybe) kids and enjoy creating your own lasting traditions. Don't get me wrong, we miss our families a lot, but this year, we're staying home.

Home in our southern, 50*, non-white-Christmas-decorated, buck-eye-filled home. Celebrating with us, our roommate, and our two kitties. Just us. Sleeping in, pajama-wearing, Christmas-movie-watching, pancake making, US.

After some thought...

It's been a few weeks of this thought going through my head, but I've decided - it's obvious - to join the blogging world. :) Stay tuned for intriguing thoughts, funny stories and antics from the life of us.