Africa, Day 8, Part 1

7-16-10

Woke up early today.  6:00am.  Our last day in Keta.
We saw Doche, Divine, Prince & Noel off to school this morning and said our final goodbyes.  Those boys are so incredible.

I grabbed a quick shower and by the time I'd returned Roger & Vinnie were hanging out in the living room.  Those kids are so sweet - it's almost unbearable!

We saw them off to school with the promise of us coming to get them out of class to say goodbye before we left.  We had a light breakfast, a couple pieces of homemade bread, before going back to our area of the house to clean up and pack up.  We spent some time with Jeremiah & Ellie, just chatting and hanging out and before we realized it, 11:30 came around and it was time to start loading up the car.  It was hard all morning holding back the tears, but I just couldn't hold back anymore when I watched Matt say goodbye to Roger & Vinnie, and then Ellie.

 The car ride started out rough.  It was all I could do to stop myself from breaking down completely in tears.  Tears because I've fallen in love with the peace I found in Keta.  Tears thankful for all God has done the past week.  Tears for the way God's love bound us together so closely.  The love I have for Matt, Jake & Jeremiah is indescribable -- the only explanation is God and I absolutely love that.  Tears because I'm in love with the way we relied on prayer & God's voice to lead us the whole way and I'm fearful that will fade away when I get home.  Tears because I'm fearful of how to explain all this to my husband - how will he react?  Will he get it?  Then what?  Tears because I so longed for Jeremiah to be on this plane with us.  Tears because I will miss Jake - even if we're only an hour or two apart, life always manages to get in the way.
So I kept watching the minutes on the clock and telling myself, "It's okay, we still have ___ hours to be with Jeremiah."
He was so quiet on the drive to Accra it killed me.  I wish we could have talked more, connect in some way.  Instead, most of the three hour drive was spent in silence, a depressing we-know-what's-coming kind of silence.

*                            *                         *

When we reached Accra our first stop was going to be the US Embassy.  Matt was going to go in and see if he could talk to someone about Jeremiah's student visa.  While we were turning around in grid-lock traffic to get to the right street, we got an e-mail from Tammy saying the Embassy was closed at noon on Fridays.  It was 3:45.  My heart fell.  This was one thing I was looking forward to! I was excited for Jeremiah, and I was feeling good about God's favor being all over us.  And now the Embassy was closed.  When Matt broke the news to Jeremiah and asked him what he thought, his reply was, "He makes all things work together for my good."  Reason #34,234,728,374,027 why I love that boy!  In the face of disappointment he remains positive.  I certainly can not say that I was that way at age 20!  

So the next stop was Yireh's office.  Clementina had shipped some gifts for us to her and we were going to meet up to say good bye too. (Yireh & Clementina are Jeremiah's other two sisters)  So we saw her for a little bit and then prayed for some high-up government attorney before setting off for the cultural market.  This market is the 'tourist' market.  No food is sold here, just goodies for all the tourists.  When we parked, men started coming at us right away and getting in our faces trying to get us to buy their stuff.  I grabbed on to Jeremiah and Matt came over to grab my other hand while Jake walked behind me and David in front of us.  I love those boys, so protective of me. :)  The time at the market was pretty much a blur.  I mostly remember just holding on to someone's hand and walking through fast enough that people wouldn't stop us to get in our faces about buying their stuff.  

After we were back in the car Matt asked David where we were headed next.  I heard the word I knew was coming, but dreaded all the same, "the airport."  Slowly the tears began to fall, but I held back as best I good.  I couldn't loose it yet.  Two or three hours later, after getting through a ridiculous amount of traffic (the airport was only about 20 minutes away!)and driving over a triple-decker bridge, we were in the parking lot of the airport.  Looking back on it I am so thankful for that traffic - because it really extended our time together.  

In the parking lot, we unloaded our stuff and did a little rearranging with things we had purchased at the market and the gifts we'd gotten from Clementina, then we packed the car back up and got out the cooler and some snacks.  We had a little while until we had to be in the airport and since Jeremiah and David couldn't come in, we hung out in the parking lot.

Eventually Jeremiah got the guitar out and started playing a little bit.  We were sitting on the back bumper of the SUV.  I asked Jeremiah a question ( I don't even remember what now) but he didn't respond.  So I looked over at him and saw his eyes closed and his head down while he was playing.  And then I was crying.  Trying so hard not to but I couldn't help the few that were falling.  I lost it completely when Jake took over the guitar and starting playing and singing "How He Loves."  I had to get up and walk to the side of the car and just let the tears come.  I had held it in so long and my stomach was tied up in knots and I just couldn't hold back anymore.  I was crying my eyes out.  I wasn't sobbing hysterically or anything, the tears were just raining down my face in droves, endless and so full of emotion.

After being consoled by Matt and taking a few deep breaths I pulled myself together enough to walk back around the car and sit back down while Jake played some more on the guitar.  Jeremiah gave me a squeeze and I lost it all over again.  Matt kept looking at his watch and the thing I'd come to fear was going to happen soon - we were going to have to go into that airport and leave Jeremiah and David behind.  I didn't want to let go yet.  I wasn't ready.  

I watched Jeremiah walk across the parking lot to go pay the fee.  I don't remember a time I've had such strong emotions like this.  We pulled up to the gate & Jeremiah got back in the front seat.  I put my hand on his shoulder because I could see on his face how upset he was to not be coming with us.  He grabbed my hand and held on tight until we got to the unloading zone.  We got ourselves and our luggage out of the car and gave our final hugs.  I didn't want to let go!  I wanted to grab his hand and take him with us.  I was crying again but I could tell he was trying to be strong.  I cried all the way into the airport until I had to pull it together when we got to customs and had to answer questions. 

*                            *                             *

Africa, Day 7, Part 2

7-15-10

Upon returning home from an emotional last night at The Father's House we washed up and were ready to share in a feast with the entire family.  Normally at meal times the four of us (Jake, Jeremiah, Matt & I) would sit around the dining room table with David, or maybe Ellie and eat, while the women were in the kitchen cooking and cleaning up and the boys fend for themselves.  This is their normal, it's what they do.  But since it was our last night we had an all out celebration.  We all filled our plates with fried chicken, goat kabobs, fish and rice jaloff and grabbed a soda and had a picnic on the living room floor - the whole family.  Celestine even busted out a bottle of sparking grape juice to pass around and toast with.

It was a good time of eating, talking, laughing and just being together.  Some minor horse-play ensued...

And some time was spent making sure everything was in order for Jeremiah's visa application... 

but by the end of the night we turned to worship and prayer with the family, as had become routine.  There was music and prayer, and coming together as one big family and it was so heart warming.

The four of us said our good-nights and headed back to our area of the house for our nightly debriefing and prayer.  I was not feeling well at all by this point, I have no idea why, but I felt very feverish and kept getting chills - which says a lot because it was a bajillion degrees in the house.  So I decided to tell the guys about it and they all laid hands on me and prayed.  I could physically feel the fever leaving my body, starting with my legs and then moving to my arms, but I couldn't feel it leave my neck/head area.  After they were done I did feel a lot better, so we went on with our debriefing, talking about our thoughts on the day we had and on the day ahead.  In the meantime my fever came back with a vengence.  I felt even worse that I had before and it all just hit me at once.  The boys prayed over me again and this time I felt it ALL leave, when they were done praying I felt 100% better!  The fever and aches never came back either!  It was so amazing to feel God's power flowing through them and into me to heal me - without any medicine of any sort!
We ended up staying up pretty late... until around 12 or so because we all knew it was the last night of us being together in this place.

This place that we'd grown so comfortable in.  Talking, sharing what was really on our hearts and minds.  Being open to each other.  Being vulnerable with each other.  Praying together.  Singing together.  Laughing until we cried with each other.
We knew we'd all have an early morning, since we were getting up to see the boys off to school and say our goodbyes to them around 6:00am, so we finally parted our ways and went into our rooms.  I called Bill, as was practice each night before bed, and was greeted with a "What are you doing up so late!?"  It was 12:30 our time so I guess I can understand his greeting :)  We talked for a few minutes then I handed the phone off to Jake so he could call Chanda and I got to writing.  I wrote in my journal, I wrote a letter to Jeremiah encouraging him to keep on fighting for his visa. I listened to my mp3 player and worshiped and thanked my amazing Father for the opportunities He gave me on this trip.  Around 2:00am I finally fell asleep to the sound of some classical praise on my headphones and the feeling of peace in my heart.

Africa, Day 7, Part 1

7-15-10

Our last full day in Keta.  I didn't want to face it at first, but figured I may as well get what I can out of it. 
The day started with a walk down to the slave fort with Jake & Jeremiah.  Of the 48 slave forts in Africa, 44 of them are in Ghana.  This one was about a 'block' away from where we were staying, right on the water.  It actually used to be much larger, but when the ocean came up it took a lot of it away.

The door to enter the slave fort showed so clearly the years of wear and paint it had endured.  The walls were fortified with oyster shells for strength.  When they built the fort they knew what they were doing and used their resources wisely.

The focal-point in this photo shows the 'ditch' that ran through the entire fort.  It is about 2 inches deep, 4 inches wide and it was the slaves' drinking water.  Water (among other things) flowed through that ditch and they had to bend over to get a drink.  The foreground shows the shackles the slaves were chained to.

I love that Jake didn't know I was taking his photo in the next image, his expression says it all.

A few years ago the carcass of a blue whale washed ashore on the property of the slave fort.  The remains of the spine are still there today, some of the cartilage can still be seen between some of the bones.

This is common practice in Ghana for keeping people in (or out of) property. 

Those are broken pieces of glass cast into the concrete, if you can't tell.

*                               *                                *

After touring the slave fort we went back home and hung out on the top of the stairs for a little while.  The power was out in the house (and had been since breakfast) and there was a nice breeze outside so we just chatted while we waited for Matt, Sabi & Eli to return from the market.  Once they got back Sabi & the girls got started on lunch - we'll call them "Virgil Kabobs".   They were very good.

With our bellies full of Virgil, green peppers and of course atoto, we headed out to the mayor's property to see about getting some mango trees to plant on the Father's House property.

When we got there, Jake, Jeremiah & I went out to the beach and stood staring at the 6 foot waves crashing onto the sand.  We were all speechless, just standing there next to each other staring at the power of the waves breaking.

After a minute or two Jake went back to looking for shells.  But Jeremiah & I couldn't help but be transfixed on the waves.  We talked about how amazing and powerful they are and how it represents God's amazing power and majesty.  Eventually Jeremiah & I went to help Jake look for shells until Matt & David called us back to enjoy some coconut.

 After we were done at the mayor's we went to The Father's House... for the last time.  We prayed upstairs when we got there, and I about fell apart thinking about it being our last time there.  It was all I could do to not let the tears come.  We walked downstairs and I put my camera in the car then we sat on some benches to worship with the kids that were around.  We played our Ewe song first.  Almost all the kids joined in on it and it was very cute to hear them singing it.  Christian, Mary, Julie, Precious and a couple others were there singing right along.  That's when this little girl walked over and joined us on the bench.

 She walked up to us with that devastated look on her face, and sat next to Matt on the bench.  Matt & I looked at each other quizzically, as if asking each other, "What's wrong with her?" because she looked so, so sad.  Matt put his arm around her and gave her a hug and told her Jesus loved her and that she was beautiful, but we're not sure how much she understood.  Then she just looked back at me with that pitifully sad face again.  I got an idea (from God, I'm sure) to go get my camera out of the car.  You see, I always had my camera on me, every day.  But since today was the last day, I deliberately left it in the car so I could soak in every last moment we had at TFH.  But I really felt prompted to get it out of the car, so I got it, sat back down and the girl looked at me, just like she had before, with that sad look.  So I snapped her picture, then turned my camera around to show her the image on the LCD screen.  She shied away at first, but when I said, "Look, it's you," she turned back around and looked.  And this was what I saw:

And this is how she looked the rest of the night.  My heart sank to the bottom of my chest. It was our last night at The Father's House and I had deliberately left my camera in the car so I could be 'in the moment' as much as possible, but what God wanted, I believe, was to show me the impact I had on these kids.  All week I had been questioning how much I had 'done' for these children because I spent so much of my time taking photos.  But through this God showed me, loud and clear, what I had done, and I will never, ever forget this moment.  This is Julie, and God used her to speak to me tonight.

*                          *                            *

I put my camera back in the car and came back to the benches with a smile on my face and tears in my eyes.  We sang another Ewe song before taking a break to attempt pumping up a soccer ball for the older kids that were there.  When that failed (because the needle broke on the pump) Jake & I decided to hand out some of our silly bands to the smaller kids.  We'd been wearing them ourselves on & off throughout the week to hand out to kids when we saw the opportunity and this was a great time for it.  The kids absolutely loved it!  They started playing a 'game' with Jeremiah - he'd ball them all up and twist them around and the kids would race each other to see who could 'untangle' it first to see what the shape was.  They had a lot of fun with it. 

We transitioned into "How He Loves" and we all knew it would be our last song.  It had only been a few minutes (or so it seemed) since we arrived on the property, but now it was time to say our final good-byes.  After the first verse I was just about to start crying, but I held it in through the repeat of the first verse. 

He is jealous for me
Loves like a hurricane
I am a tree
Bending beneath 
The weight of His wind and mercy
Then all of a sudden
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory
And I realize just how beautiful You are and
How great Your affections are for me

Then the chorus came and so did my emotions... and so did the voice of little Christian.  The boy Jeremiah & Levi rescued weeks ago from working on Lake Volta.  The boy who said: "God told me someone would come."  This boy was now ripping down any walls I had up and the tears came flowing as he sang:


He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

We finished out the song and I don't think there was a dry eye in the group.

We are His portion and He is our prize
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes
If grace is an ocean we're all sinking

Then Heaven meets Earth like a sloppy wet kiss
And my heart turns violently inside of my chest
I don't have time to maintain these regrets when I think about
The way...

That He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves us
Oh how He loves

Our time at the Father's House was plentiful, but it seemed so short.  I have etched in my mind forever some of the beautiful faces of those kids.  I will never forget when the four of us prayed and came together as family for the first time in that upstairs bedroom, with a gecko watching us from the wall.  I will always remember our times of worship on the boat.  Sometimes just us, and sometimes with the kids joining in, but always with the presence of God overwhelming us.

Africa Day 6

7-14-10

This morning we headed out to the Father's House with David to go swimming.  It's high tide in the evening, so morning is the best time to swimming, plus all the kids are in school so it's safer that way too.  Though Jeremiah says the kids are usually the ones watching after him because they're such good swimmers!  I guess that's what happens when you grow up on the ocean.

It was a fun and refreshing swim, but man was it a workout!  We swam out to a sandbar that was maybe 50 yards off the beach, and once we got there we were about hip-deep in water, but the undercurrent was so strong we could hardly stand up!  It was crazy, we only lasted out there for a little while before giving up and swimming back in.  I spent some time just sitting on the beach taking in the scenery - the waves, the sand, the blue sky.  It was some high quality God time.

The boys were down playing in the surf and looking for rocks & shells, so I joined them in their hunt for the perfect shell and rock to take back home.  Then we headed back up to TFH for a quick shower before heading home for lunch.

*                                   *                              *

After lunch we headed back toward Tegbi and went to check out a church that David has a possibility of moving to.  It was a beautiful church and I fell in love as soon as I rounded the corner and saw it.  It's surrounded by trees and a palm-frond fence and it's far enough off the road that it avoids the noise of traffic.  It's so serene and beautiful!

After entertaining myself by watching Jake & Jeremiah attempt to catch a lizard, I snapped this photo of the church - yes it's finished, remember it's really hot there all the time so many of their buildings are open-air.  I love it!

After checking out the church property we headed to a piece of land that David owns nearby, then to a hotel that we passed on the way in.  We just wanted to check out the property because we hadn't seen it before.  The hotel was beautiful and situated right on the beach, maybe 3-4 miles from the Father's House if you walked on the beach to get there.  The hotel had some great landscaping and awesome flowers!

On the way out of the hotel we walked up to the beach to see if we could spot the Father's House from where we were... we didn't end up being able to see TFH, but we did see a bunch of yavu's on the beach!  We wandered over to them to say hi and see what they were up to here in Africa.  Turns out the group of girls were here also working with children and chasing after God's heart.  It was great to meet a bunch of like-minded yavus!  We all prayed together before going our separate ways and it was neat getting to meet them.

*                             *                          *

By now it was nearing 2:00 and the kids were getting out of school, so we headed back to The Father's House to play and have more fun out there.  I'm not sure how it happened but I ended up getting a soccer ball tossed at me, so I caught it and started tossing it back and fourth with a couple of the little girls around me, before I knew it there were six or seven children standing in a semi-circle around me and we were just tossing the ball back and forth.  Then one of the older boys 'set' the ball to me, like in volleyball.  So we started passing and setting the ball to each other.  I could tell the littler ones didn't know what was going on so I stopped to show them how to pass the ball, they got a kick out of it.

They were laughing and giggling so hard, especially if the ball went way up over their heads, or if it fell through the gap in their arms.  They had so much fun with it.  I don't even know how long we stood there and played but it was for a long time.  I couldn't believe that two of the girls that were playing were doing it with babies slung on their backs, and one of the babies was sleeping!  It was a lot of fun, but it sure did wear me out, probably because I was already tired from battling the ocean earlier in the morning.

After a little while we headed out to our boat for some worship, one or two of the kids I was playing 'volleyball' with tagged along and we just sat on the boat and did our thing.  

 

 It was absolutely beautiful.

 A few more kids came over and a handful of them actually sang with us when we sang our Ewe song, and a couple of them kept trying when we switched over to English songs.  It was so sweet to see them so eager to sing worship with us, even when it was in English and they weren't familiar with it.  One of the songs they caught onto real quick was "I am Free."  It was all I could do to not loose it when I heard them singing the songs with their African accent.  "I am free to dance, I am free to sing, I am free to live for YOU." What an appropriate song for the setting - right on the property of The Father's House, where they truly are FREE! 

None of us wanted to leave that night.  It may have been that we didn't want to succumb to the fact that tomorrow would be our last day at The Father's House.  It may have been that we didn't want to leave the children who were so eagerly trying to sing with us.  But it was probably because we didn't want to stop ushering in the presence of God.  So we didn't leave.  We stayed.  We followed the prompting of the Holy Spirit and we stayed.  We don't like driving home in the dark, because it's very stressfull and hard to see, but we all just knew that it would be okay.  So we stayed a little bit into the night and enjoyed the pounding waves, beautiful sunset, the harmony of the chords and our voices and the presence of the Creator.  And it. Was. Beautiful.

Africa, Day 5

7-13-10

Romans 5:3-5 (MSG)
"There is more to come.  We continue to shout our praise even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop passionate patience in us, and how that patience in turn forges the tempered steel of virtue, keeping us alert for whatever God will do next.  In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged.  Quite the contrary- we can't round up enough containers to hold everything God generously pours into our lives through the Holy Spirit."

As I read this I am reminded of the time a month ago when I read it and the words jumped off the page at me.  "We know how troubles develop passionate patience... keeping us alert for what God will do next...".  I was in school.  I was not content.  I was frustrated.  Ready to be done.  These words helped me get through and I kept praising him through the situation.  Trying to be alert for Him and what He would do next.
Now, here in Ghana, I can see the rest of the verse unfolding before my eyes.  I am overflowing with what God has poured into me.  Just the other night while we were all sitting around and praying for the Holy Spirit to fill us up I had a vision from God - of a water pitcher being poured into us, each individually, and in turn we started overflowing, leaking, onto all the kids and people around us.  I got the word from God that we have to be filled up before we can pour out His love onto others.  How awesome to see an entire passage play out in my life in the span of just a few weeks.  I love this revelation.  I love the feeling of knowing I made it through.  I'm on the other side of it now. 

*                          *                             *

We went to Akasi (uh-katch-ee) to go to the market today.  The market in Akasi is about an hour away, but is much, much larger than the one across the street from us.  On the way we stopped at the salt-leeching factory.  It's the rainy season, so they aren't operating right now, but it was neat to walk around and see how they do things through Matt & Jeremiah explaining it.  Okay, I say factory, but it's really a little cement building, maybe 900 sq. feet -maybe - surrounded outside by shallow 'pools' of cement that they fill up with the sea water, let it evaporate and then collect the sea salt.  The ground all around the factory looked like a barren desert, but it was actually incredibly soft.  It almost felt like you were walking on carpet.

I also snapped a quick shot of Jeremiah - always in the driver's seat, happy to tote us along everywhere!

The road to Akasi is bumpy, dirty, bumpy and long, but there is some beautiful scenery to take in along the way.

People travel from all over to go to the Akasi market because it's got pretty much everything you could need...

... including LOADS of atoto!  I think we bought about 5 of them!

After our morning in Akasi we were all pretty tired, so we rested at home for a little while.  I spent some good time in prayer and worship in my bedroom.  I love soaking in the presence of the Holy Spirit.  After the happenings in Akasi today, I feel such a new level of compassion for Jeremiah.  He is only 20 years old, yet he is a 'father' to so many of the children at The Father's House.  He's a brother.  He's a friend.  He's a mentor.  He's a teacher to ALL ages and walks of life.  I cannot begin to tell you all of the things he has been through in the past year alone, let alone the rest of his life.  He's such an amazing man and I love the way he chases after God's heart.  I spent a lot of time weeping and praying for him this afternoon, I wept so long and hard I ended up falling asleep with my mp3 player still going and my journal open next to me.  I woke up feeling cleansed and refreshed by God, it was such a wonderful feeling.

*                   *                    *

After things were, ahem, taken care of for dinner that night... we headed out to Father's House again.  We had some great time in prayer and worship and just enjoyed the company of the children and each other.  David got some coconuts down from the tree for us so we enjoyed a refreshing snack before heading out to the boat to do some worship.

Today was a good day.  It was a day of enlightenment, renewed and increased compassion, love and admiration.  It was a day of drawing nearer to God, a day of laughter and of tears.

Man, I love these guys!

Africa, Day 4

7-12-10

Today is market day.  The market is across the street from us.  It is pretty big - about the size of a Wal-Mart.  The floor is dirt, sometimes brick pavers.  There are many, many vendors set up under little huts selling their goods - food, cookware, baskets, soaps, everything hand made or grown in their own farm.

Goats roam freely, as they do everywhere else, unaware of their fate...

... Don't worry, I think this one is safe... for a few months at least. :)

*                         *                      *

On the way back from the market we stopped by the silver smith.  He was in the middle of working and I was eager to capture the process - so here it is, from raw silver to the end - where he will stamp, cut and mold a piece of jewelry out of it!

By the time we were finished at the market and the silver smith, school had let out.  Vinnie was waiting for us at the entrance to the church property.  She was eager to show us how smart she is!

After hanging out with Roger & Vinnie for a little while we head to The Father's House.  

We've been talking about being more intentional with our prayer when we go out there and decide to head upstairs to one of the bedrooms to gather as a team and pray.  It was such an amazing time of prayer - we could all really feel the Holy Spirit's presence with us.  I must say, today is the day I feel like we've come together as brothers & sisters.  I feel so incredibly close to Jake, Matt & Jeremiah - like they're my big brothers.  I know they will protect me and keep me safe.  I know they love me and care about me.  I know they will not judge me.  It's amazing the way we've all come together.  There's no other explanation other than God's love.  Only God's love could unite us so closely after only knowing each other for three days!  I feel like we're closer than blood.  I love it!  I'm also feeling truly like I am a part of the Banini family.  I am learning their personalities and their language and getting closer to them.  They've really welcomed us and treat us like we're they're own.

So after our prayer time we head out to the boat to do some worship.  It's nearing dark so many of the kids have gone home for the night, so it's just us out on the boat.  Us and God.  It's incredible.

Jake & I both fell in love with an Ewe song we heard the Banini family singing one night during worship time, so when we heard Jeremiah sing it again with his class at Father's House we asked him to translate it.  Here's a short clip of the first verse, the beginning is hard to understand, but it gets clearer.

After he translated Jake & I decided we wanted to learn it in Ewe so we could sing it.  So last night Jeremiah taught Jake the chords and today we sat on our boat and we all worshiped in Ewe.  It was so beautiful, so amazing, so anointed.  I could feel God smiling down on us in the sunset.

Our Ewe Song

Xeviwo kple Lawo

Wo do Mawu de dzi

Ke nye amegbeto ya aleke mawu

Mado Mawu de dzi

Eye mada akpe ne da

Xeviwo kple Lawo

Wo do Mawu de dzi

Ke nye amegbeto ya aleke mawu

Ewe Song in English

Birds and animals

They lift God on high

What then shall I, a human, do?

I will lift God on high

And I will thank Him forever

Birds and animals

They lift God on high

What then shall I, a human, do?